The Manager
"Lord, if you must give me foul breath can't I have smaller nose?"
Brendan Rogers celebrated his appointment as Liverpool manager in the traditional manner, with a refreshing visit to a Toxteth brothel. He hired the whole venue to himself, all 11 prostitutes plus 7 subs. He called the skanks together for a team meeting. "I've got three envelopes here," he said, "and each contains a name. These are the girls that I think are going to let Brendan Rogers down."
There is obviously a long and extremely disgusting story about what Brendan got up to that night, but to be honest I'm a bit tired of telling stories. I've done a Dear Deidre photo casebook instead! You know, to make a change.
Current form
It's nice in these days of wanton spending to see a minnow club upsetting the Big Five. At time of writing, Liverpool FC are TOP of the Premier League. It gives a novel, retro look to the league table. I'm all for it. However brief their stay proves to be, at least Liverpool fans will be able to look back over the previous two decades and point to a fleeting instant when they were more successful than Man Utd.
One to watch
I made a cartoon about Steven Gerrard too! I'm all about making cartoons this week!
Top Wag
It wouldn't surprise me if there comes a point where the head all but disappears, leaving perhaps just a small and vestigial nubbin pointing up from between the boob crevice. A reminder of our primitive past. I'm pretty sure this is what Darwin had in mind.
Things people say about Liverpool
"Liverpool were big in the 80s, but then so were polar ice caps. Things change." - Arsene Wenger"I went to watch Aspas but all he did was dribble." - Joe Kinnear
I heard the reason Stevie G has a girls voice is coz he got kicked in the knackers on a night out in London. I fink it was shortly after he shunned Chelsea to stay at Liverpool. Dats what I heard, just saying like.
ReplyDeleteCan we get some pictures of Jennifer Ellison's vagina please. I won't take this article seriously until I see that.
No worse than your usual poor 'try hard' standard. I have been weaseling google to give you the ban for ages but think they must have a lot of tax admin on or something as you still appear to be free to blog at will.
ReplyDeleteHello this is Brian's mummy. Can someone tell him it's time to go to work now. I've been calling upstairs for half an hour now but there's been no reply. I assume he's fingering his anus again.
ReplyDeleteLove Belinda Earsy (Mrs Bearsy)
I actually thought that was all pretty shit Bearsy, not even a smirk on the outside, no amusement inside my head either.
ReplyDeleteShame on you Bearsy.
Heelo Brian, I am sinking that we have agreement, no? An' now eesa clear you reniggered on agreement. I arse you, please Brian, donna share your scouting reports with everbodies. Howsa my Pocketino gunna beet theesa teamas if you always given intelligence to all an everbodies in the medium of the social networkings? Eh?
ReplyDeleteCesar and desist immediately, no?
Ifa not, you swim with the feeshees, no?
Vaffanculo.
Nicola (issa nota girls name).
It's a shame, because you try really hard to be liked. 3/10.
ReplyDeleteNeeds some humour. Was expecting a laugh but wasn't tickled by this.
ReplyDeletewhy is all these bleeding anonymouses coming on here with high expectations! i'm not saying they're wrong and I'm sorry they wasted 90 seconds of their dumb lives, but i don't go round reading football articles expecting anything more than edging 5 minutes closer to home time without working.
ReplyDeleteWrite ur own dumb articles!
Fuck me your a tedious turd.
ReplyDeleteCracking stuff again Brian as always.
ReplyDeleteFuck me there are some miserable shits on the internet today. Maybe the full moon has caused all their periods to start a the same time or something.